Nearly 3 months after Mit was born, I seem to get a hang of tasks: feeding, changing diaper, bathing, playing with him and putting him to sleep. I remembered bringing him home from the hospital with my head filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Now I still don’t know a lot of things but I put myself in the front seat by actively searching and “experimenting” on him. So far, I want to note down few things that surprise me:

1. Baby can’t put themselves to sleep on their own

In the first 2 weeks, I was shocked that baby was tired but couldn’t sleep without our support. At that time, baby’s wake time was 1 hour and at least 20 minutes were spent rocking, bouncing and patting to get him to sleep 1 hour. That wasn’t the worst part. Then the moment I put him down, he woke up. And I restarted the process. The thought of doing this for months scares me a lot. “How could I do this and work at the same time?”.

After our nanny left, I’m the main caregiver so I decided to sleep train him (my first “experiment”) using Fuss It Out method. I educated myself through “Precious Little Sleep” book and hours of reading Reddit /beyondbump. Gradually, I learn to not associate his cry with danger and immediate response. I started to let him cry 3 minutes, 5 minutes, then 10 minutes. Only then, I supported him with pacifier. He was tired and he slept pretty well after that. I was afraid of giving him too much pacifier time but I justified to myself that I want to prioritise good sleep first because that is important for his brain development. The crying was hard to hear at the beginning. Then one day, he managed to sleep before I give him the pacifier. I was jaw dropped. He still struggled with his day naps (in fact, I’m writing this while nap training him) but his night sleep was so much better. He could sleep without pacifier at night now (since 2.5 months old). I didn’t want to brag about it with the fear of jinxing it so I shall stop here.

2. Baby wakes up shortly after napping

Just when I thought I nailed the falling asleep part, I learn about sleep cycle. During the day, the sleep drive is not strong, so if my baby doesn’t know how to connect sleep cycle which is roughly 40 minutes, he will soon wake up with crying. I was shocked thinking I have to stand by his cot every 40 minutes to help him connect the cycles. It is definitely not as tiring as putting him to sleep but it’s not sustainable for me when I start working.

So how can I get him to sleep 1.5 - 2 hours (he needs that much so he can be awake for roughly 2 hours after that)? I read somewhere that the baby at this age doesn’t have the skill yet. But PLS encourages to train him as early as parents feel comfortable. Right now, when he cries after his first sleep cycle ends, I let him cry / fuss for 10 minutes before reacting. If he still cries, I let him cries till he’s calm then I give him the pacifier. If he fusses, I just let him fussing until he cries or he falls asleep. That’s my plan for now. We shall see if I need to change it. That’s the “experiment” part I mentioned earlier.

3. Baby is so forgiving

Right now, he doesn’t hold grudge haha. There are things I tried that were not his cup of tea, he cried but when I get it right, he gives me a big smile. It melts my heart. I’m so thankful for a healthy baby and his trust in his parents. We are a good team and we are in this journey together.

4. Baby loves routine

I didn’t really buy into this at the beginning but I start implementing routines and he is happy to know what’s happening next. The basic one is Eat - Play - Sleep. Then for day naps,

• Nap 1 (at 9:00am everyday +- 15 minutes): We always bring him to the cot right after bathing
• Nap 2 (at 12:30pm): To be honest, for this nap, I still need to figure out the sweet spot
• Nap 3 (short one before bed time): I let him guide. These few days, he feels asleep at 4:15pm. But he needs to wake up latest by 5:45pm.
• Nap routine: I always make the room dark (I also experimented the room darkness), turn on white noise, adjust the room temperature (I tested with fan / aircon). This is consistent for nap 1 and 2. But for nap 3, I just wing it according to his preference. Since it’s a short one, I sometimes hold him to sleep or put him into the stroller

For night time,

• Bedtime routine: After finishing his bottle at 5:45 - 6, we will call his grandparents for a good 20 minute chat. Then, he will change into this pyjama (just wiping, not bathing), read some books, then at 6:45, he will be in his cot. Nowadays, he will fuss for about 5-10 minutes then he will sleep.
• We have 3 feedings from that point till 7:00am. I am working on cutting the night feeds but I’m not in a rush for this.